Learning to pause is the antidote to many things in one’s life that usually end in a place where we do not want to be. So often our auto-responses react to a situation in a way that creates emotional turmoil for ourselves and for others, not to mention real life consequences. Sometimes we wish we could have a “do over” but that do over just doesn’t come so we are left with regret or remorse and the inability to change things. This whole pattern could be shifted with just one small act—to pause before we speak, react and take any action. A pause is like a window in time opening, where we can move out of old patterns and automatic responses just by stopping and doing nothing. This pause gives us the space to, perhaps, make a different choice than the one we have always made. It gives us the time and space to play out the consequences of our actions. When we pause, we stop to contemplate what it is we really mean, what it is that is really important to us and how to best convey this. Even in the heat of anger, a pause can give us a momentary reprieve from whatever emotion is running us and allow us to open up to a more aligned choice for ourselves. Pause before you speak and act, this moment of reflection will save you a lifetime of heartaches.
Stop measuring yourself on being perfect as this will most likely never come. We came here to learn in this great schoolroom called life. So, if life is about learning, it is not about perfecting, and it is about correcting. There are three simple truths that can give you more energy, more tenacity and awaken your divinity. They are:
1. Who you are and what you do are two different things. Who you are is love. This love is perfect and it is innate in you. As you travel the life experience and remember this truth, you will stop letting what you do (or don’t do) define who you are. Nothing you have done, didn’t do or will ever do will impact who you are.
2. Life is one big classroom where we all came to learn. Learning requires making mistakes; otherwise there is no learning if we already know how to do it all. We came here to learn (period). How we learn is by correcting what isn’t working. Life is then a series of corrections. As we walk our path, and then step off, we just need a little course correction and we are back on path. Resistance is created when we start to believe that we have to be perfect. We don’t. We only need to be willing to correct our mistakes. Relax, allow and enjoy the journey. Creating resistance to our mistakes only happens when we feel bad about them. Learn, let go and move on.
3. You always know. Yes, the big “I”, the spirit in you knows the way. You are never without a compass and that compass is the voice of your spirit. Sometimes the ego is louder—let’s face it, most of the time but this is not who you are. When we get quiet and listen, the answers will come. We chose this journey to learn. There is a part of us who is wise, infinite and full of divinity. This part can help us find the perfection in every correction that we ever make. Trust your Self and you will accomplish what you came here to.
I remember my thirtieth birthday; I was a wreck. I could barely hold back the tears as I was getting ready to attend a small gathering of friends being held in my honor. I didn’t know how I could show up at the party like this, so sad and depressed while everyone was “happily” wishing me a happy birthday. All I kept thinking was this was not how I wanted my life to be at thirty! It was not the picture I had imagined. I felt disappointed, angry, and certainly not in the mood to celebrate.
It was a good twenty-minute drive to where the party was being held, and I needed a miracle to arrive there in a better place than I currently was in. I decided to spend the entire twenty-minute journey saying out loud all the things I was grateful for. It started out quite basic, like, I am grateful for the car I am driving that gets me from point A to point B. I am grateful for the air I am breathing. Gradually, it became more about my great health, my creativity, my ability to learn and grow. Ten minutes in, I was feeling like a completely different person. By the time I arrived, I felt completely blessed that I had the good fortune to live the life I was living. And I walked into the party ready to celebrate, but not before I thanked God for gratitude.
Gratitude is a natural state when we are being spirit led. The mind, however, will tell us otherwise. This is why when we embark on the path of spirit; practicing gratitude is central to getting our minds on board. With gratitude, there is an understanding that challenges are blessings, that failures are gifts, and that our teachers come in many forms. In the grace of gratitude, we become who we were always meant to be.
We have a choice in every moment to see the glass half full or half empty; it is always our choice. When we exercise our right to be grateful, all that we cherish emerges true and unblemished, and all that does not serve us fades away. Gratitude gives us a way of being in the world that is fundamentally positive, and this is the momentum that leads us to actualizing our vision in the world. Did you ever meet a visionary who was not grateful? Visionaries are inherently grateful, as they know their vision is part of a co-creation with spirit and without this connection spirit-led vision is not possible.
For a guided gratitude practices, read the new book, Spirit Led Instead: The Little Tool Book of Limitless Transformation. Get your free chapter at SpiritCoachTraining.com.
I have a client, Phil, who finds himself waiting for his wife on a regular basis. This is a constant energy drain for him. He is a stickler for being on time, and it annoys and frustrates him that his wife makes him late. On one such occasion, Phil and his wife were taking their three boys to Phil’s parents’ house and escaping for a much-needed weekend away. Their first destination was massages for two; Phil thought this would be a wonderful way to decompress from their stressful lives. Phil had gotten all three kids in the car, which is no small feat, and was again waiting for his wife, who was still in the house. His body began to tense up as he imagined each minute ticking by was another minute of the massage he was missing. He found himself getting angrier and angrier, allowing his mind to imagine every time he had ever waited for his wife. Suddenly, he was losing hours, days, and weeks off his life when he could have been doing something positive, like relaxing. By the time Phil and his wife got to the massage appointment, Phil’s body was holding so much tension that it would take three days of constant massage to get him back to where he was before he began experiencing this particular energy drain.
Now, Phil believed the solution was to fix his wife from being late, but I bet if this were achieved, Phil would still find something else in which to get tense about. Let’s face it, many things happen in life that are out of our control and the only choice we have is how we decide to respond to them.
After a few coaching sessions, Phil realized he couldn’t change his wife but he could change himself. He decided to focus on the way he reacted to waiting for his wife. Phil’s initial concern was all the time he had lost in which he could have been doing something positive. Instead of using the time to get tense, angry, and frustrated, he decided he would use the extra time to relax. So, he began meditating whenever he found himself in a situation where he was waiting for his wife. He specifically focused on using the tools I had taught him, Centering, Clearing, and Connecting.
These few minutes spent practicing The Three Cs became an energy giver instead of the energy drain that was happening when he was fixated on his wife making him late. It was like a breath of fresh air for Phil that ultimately changed the quality of his day. It also improved his relationship with his wife, as Phil no longer felt anger, but more love and patience for his wife. This, in turn made it easier for her to be more relaxed as well.
Interestingly enough, over time, Phil’s wife got better about being on time. She was no longer wasting energy worrying about her husband being angry with her if she was late. As a result, she could focus much better on what she needed to get done instead of worrying about what her husband was doing.
Read more, get the new book, Spirit Led Instead: The Little Tool Book of Limitless Transformation. Get your free chapter at SpiritCoachTraining.com
I used to schedule my day in fifteen-minute increments. Have you ever run to the bathroom at the absolute last second just because you were so busy? Well, that is how my life was. I was a business leader building a growing consumer product company, which had more employees than I knew how to manage. We were listed in Entrepreneur Magazine as one of the top fastest-growing companies in America. I was twenty-eight years old and on my way to being burned out by thirty. The road paved with success was proving to be less fulfilling than I had imagined.
One day, I did something completely out of the norm, and it changed my life forever. On this particular day, I was feeling trapped and needed a break to just be alone. I remembered reading an article that said taking your focus off your routine, even for a short time, could get your creative juices flowing again. I was hoping for a little more than creativity-I wanted to feel free again. So I told my staff I would be gone for the next two hours, although I had no idea where or what I was going to be doing in those two hours. At the time, this seemed crazy, even to me. There was always something to do and never enough time to do it in, but this compulsion to escape for a while was strong enough to pull me out of the office.
I climbed in my car and began driving, even though I had no idea where I was going. This was even more ridiculous to me. My mind questioned my actions, asking, Why am I wasting my time? There was some other part of me, however, that was suddenly separate from my mind that said,Keep driving. So I did.
I listened to this small voice that seemed to be me, but I hadn’t heard it for a very long time. It kept saying, Drive this way, keep going. I would stop on occasion and ask, “Are we there yet?” like a child on a long car trip, anxious to arrive at their destination. This has been symptomatic of my life, always wanting to get where I was going. Then, when I got there, I was not completely satisfied, so off again I would go to the next place.
I was driving through a neighborhood in San Francisco that I was completely unfamiliar with and saw a Starbucks on the corner. I heard,Pull over. You can imagine my relief. Starbucks was a place I could very much relate to and feel comfortable in. In fact, it kept me going through my sixty-hour work weeks.
I ordered my usual grande soy latte and sat down in a chair with a view of the street outside, enjoying some familiarity in this strange experiment I seemed to be participating in. After several minutes passed by, I noticed a homeless man walking across the street toward Starbucks. As I studied him, I realized I knew him. He was a man from the neighborhood I currently lived in; however, I hadn’t seen him in at least two years. He looked very much the same as I remembered him, dressed in very elegant, preppy-tattered clothing, as if he came out of a J. Crew catalogue and never changed his clothes again.
I was elated to see him because I thought he had died. For many years, he had been a fixture in my neighborhood. I would often buy him coffee, and he would smile and mutter incoherently. There was something about him I could relate to, something that attracted me to him. He had something I wanted, which seemed absurd, considering he lived on the street and was mostly incomprehensible.
Without hesitating, I jumped out of my seat and ran out of Starbucks to greet him. “Remember me, remember me?” I shouted. “You hung out in my neighborhood. I am so happy to see you. How are you?” Before I could finish, he turned and looked at me with a clarity and certainty so powerful, it was as if a wind came and blew right into my face and said,Wake up, child. Needless to say, I was paying attention. Staring deep into my eyes with a power beyond the physical, he said, “You want to help people, but you do not know how.” Then he walked away.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I could hardly breathe. There was a resonance there that was so deep, it made me stop in my tracks. In that moment, I knew there was some greater vision for my life that I had been willing to ignore. I was meant to help people, and he was right-I didn’t know how. This encounter made me begin to ask those deeper questions of myself: What is success? And do I really have it if I don’t know who I am and how I am meant to contribute to the world? Yes, I had what I had always thought I wanted: a wildly successful business, appearances on national TV, magazine articles written about me, woman entrepreneur of the year. My business success was my dream. Here I was living it, and yet I didn’t feel fulfilled. It felt like a deep hole inside of me that was longing to be filled and everything I had thought would fill it did not.
This strange encounter led me to do the bravest thing I have ever done. I walked away from “success” to find my true path; it was as if I had to leave where I could fit in to find where I belonged. I left my career, my relationship, my home, and my life as I knew it and went on a spiritual pilgrimage of sorts despite my fears of ending up homeless on the street (how ironic). I sat with a shaman in Bali, studied with a medicine man in California, and channeled healing energy with John of God in Brazil, among many other seeking experiences. Each time, I asked the spiritual teacher what I should do with my life and what my next business venture should be, desperately hoping one of them would tell me. Looking back, I bet this was comical to these enlightened masters. Each gave me a variation on the same answer: “Jenai, it is not about doing; just be.” This infuriated me because I had no idea what they were talking about. I went from one teacher to another, attended countless seminars, and read piles of self-help books, hoping that the next teacher, workshop, or book would somehow change me. It’s not that these things didn’t help me-they did-but it was in the seeking that I was never really able to find my own truth (the spirit within me). I was like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, never recognizing I always had the power to go home. I was looking for the great Oz to tell me what to do, when I had the answers within me all along.
Today, all I have to do is look at my life and the people I serve and I can see the evidence of what following my truth, what I call a spirit-led life, can do. I now have a career doing the work I truly love to do, teaching and coaching others how to access their own answers so they have a more direct route home than I did. I call this the Spirit Coach Method and certify those who are called to the path of being Spirit Coaches. I lead spiritual retreats in beautiful places with amazing people and also take groups on spiritual pilgrimages to see John of God in Brazil. At the Foundation for Spiritual Development, I teach healing, intuition development, and living from spirit. In addition, I help run a weekly center that offers free energetic healing to the public. I have the privilege of blessing babies, marrying people, and helping people cross over. All of these things and more are an extension of my true path. If you had told me fifteen years ago that this is the life I would be living, I would have said you were out of your mind. As it happened, “out of my mind” was exactly where I needed to go to find my path, the one that led me to exactly where I belong. Now this is the kind of success I can live with.
From the new book, Spirit Led Instead: The Little Tool Book of Limitless Transformation. Order Your copy today on Amazon.
How we view reality can be skewed by the past and even, the future. When we allow energetic attachments to form to the past or to some projected future, it takes us out of the limitless nature of present time. For in present time, all possibilities exist, and here in lies the highest and best possibility for us. This can only be found in the present. When we are energetically hooked to the past, this forms a trajectory to where we are currently, and limits our choices based on what we have previously experienced. If we want a new, clear and more aligned choice, we have to clear the past to receive this. It is as simple as stepping outside of the vantage point of mind which inhabits the past, and immediately we let go of a path that is limited, and thus, step into one that is limitless where miracles exist.
Take a moment to visualize cutting all the cords to your past. Focus in on the feeling you get when you are no longer tethered to your past. Feel the lightness of being that allows you to be fully in the present moment.
If you are having a hard time meditating successfully, you may be practicing the wrong kind of meditation. If you are anything like me, you have monkey-mind—your mind just doesn’t quiet down even when you are meditating. Active meditations changed my life because they are different than passive meditations as they use visualization to give the mind something constructive to do so it stops getting in the way. If you find yourself off center or perhaps stuck in thinking about the past or future, this is a wonderful meditation to use to bring you back into present time. This is where everything you want actually is.
One of my spiritual teachers told me once that life experiences either make you bitter or better; it is your choice. In fact, it is the only choice we get to make as life challenges are upon us. If we let them, difficult experiences can scar us in a way that creates a distrust of life. If we are not careful the scars of the past, are recreated in the future again and again. It is important to reframe our “difficult experiences” as lessons that we, then, integrate. In order to do this, we must forgive ourselves, and others. Forgiveness is what frees us from the past. It is only then, that we can let go of the past and embrace the present fully. This embracing requires TRUST. Trust in ourselves, trust in the universe, and trust in God. Ultimately, trusting, or not, is our choice. When we become untrusting of life we become very protective of whatever it is we fear. This protective mode creates a wall around us which eventually becomes our box which we can never quite break out of. This becomes the limits that we place on our lives. These limits translate into limiting beliefs and our boxes becomes forever too small for us to live in. We never live our true potential. Life has an illusion of safety in our boxes and yet it can never open us to our greatness.
The Steps to Trusting:
1. Awareness: Becoming aware of what you fear will lead you to past experiences that are the root of this fear.
2. Reframe: Once you discover the root of the fear, understand the lesson you learned from your challenging experience.
3. Forgive: Forgive yourself and others for past experiences We each make the best choice we can in any given moment. And each new moment gives us the opportunity to choice differently. This allows you to let go of the past.
4. Trust: Put your trust in your higher-self and a higher power. You will feel supported and learn to trust this support.
Imagine what would happen if that constant nagging voice that says, “I should get more work done, I should clean the office, I should take that new client, I should…” went away. At the very least, it would create a lot more empty space in our heads. Perhaps it is exactly the space that is needed to be more inventive, to create anew, like an artist who approaches his clean white canvas on which to create his masterpiece. I think most of us have become so accustomed to the voices in our head that tell us what we should do that we have forgotten that we get to choose.
The shoulds are like software programs that just keep running—eventually we forget why we were running them in the first place; they simply run us. Even when they have initially been put in place for a positive result, they can eventually become a hindrance instead of a help. If your “should” program is still running you, you may be caught in a lifestyle that is exhausting and unsustainable. There is a way to break out of this cycle.
Just take a moment and say the words, “I choose.” Feel the power culminating within you. In contrast, say the words, “I should.” Now, feel the energy draining from you. This is what happens every time you use “should,” either out loud or in your thoughts.
Once you begin to liberate yourself from “I should,” you begin to experience a new kind of freedom to discern your truth and follow it. Choosing your thoughts and words carefully will increase your discernment and energy levels and lead to a life you choose. This is the reason I developed this transformational tool. Let’s exercise our free will; the results are nothing less than freedom.
1. Think of something that you believe you “should” be doing more of in your life. Say this out loud.
I should visit my family for the holidays.
2. Now, replace “I should” with the words “I choose.”
I choose to visit my family for the holidays.
3. Then say it out loud to yourself. What do you become aware of?
Observe what it feels like when you say it. Does it resonate as true for you? Or does it feel untrue? Let your spirit guide you. It knows what is best for you and the best time to do it. Remember, not choosing is also a choice.
I choose to visit my family for the holidays.
What did I become aware of? I don’t have to go home for every holiday, only when I choose to. I noticed I don’t resent my family and have a much better time when I choose to be with my family on the holidays, versus when I feel I am doing it out of obligation.
4. Once you become aware of your choice, bring 100 percent of your energy to that choice. Own it and watch the action you take get done more quickly and better than ever, while actually enjoying the experience.
Practice this tool regularly in your daily life. Your ability to discern your truth and follow it will increase as you use it. Before long, you will trust yourself more and more. When you believe in you (your spirit), nothing is impossible.
From the new book, Spirit Led Instead: The Little Tool Book of Limitless Transformation
Get your free chapter at SpiritLedInstead.com
Learning to still your mind leads to a more focused, productive, and joyous day, but most importantly, it leads to spirit. You can use this tool anywhere. It takes one minute or less and can help you begin the process of exiting your mind. The next time you are aware you are no longer present, take a moment to use this transformational tool. Repeat this process as needed. You will be amazed at the peace that comes from a still mind, not to mention other profound benefits.
From the new book, Spirit Led Instead: The Little Tool Book of Limitless Transformation
Get your free chapter at SpiritLedInstead.com